10 ways to better health!

Really

So we are back to the beginning again. That is to find something to do during the day. I was really hoping that the support group would take place during the day. I know I have said this before. Yet it bears repeating if anything to remind myself. I really have no idea at the moment as to what they could be. For the moment the only thing I have going for me is doing Gym Which really only takes two hours out of my Day.

Vlogs

I am a a bit disappointed today since I did not have too many Vlogs to watch. Normally there would at least a couple. Today I have only one to watch. So that's no good.

Group

So last night I went to the Support group. It really was just a bunch of people socializing and no support as you would understand. Well that is no program to be followed at all. I might go back again if its just to socialize that's it.

Done

Ok so big deal I have manged to get all the washing now that it is dry squared away. I can never get over how quick the washing piles up. Like for instance before you have even finished doing the last bit there is already washing to be done. So I try and do washing at least every Three days. Well that's the plan at least.

Leaving Behind Everything | Breaking Amish: LA

New

I forgot to mention that I got some pants on the weekend. They fit me so well I decide to go and get another pair of pants. I like getting either two or three of a kind. If like them enough. People must think that I am wearing the same thing over and over. But I am not. Then again I am not that concerned about it. I will get rid of some of my old pants however. So that's the normal thing in with the new and out with the old. Otherwise my cupboard would be popping by now and it is so small after all.

Tonight

So tonight I am going to the Depression Support Group. This should be either an exercise in futility. Because if they employ CBT then I am out of there I have enough Therapy with My Therapist. or this could be interesting to say the least. I ma not committing to anything so I will just gave a look see.

Quite

So I am back from my therapy. I will say that today was quite a mental exercise. Almost CBT in other words. It was quite an interesting exercise in mental gymnastics. Not one I hope to repeat too often. Now my brain just wants to relax. Yet it did bear some fruit.

Almost

I have washed all the clothes and linen. But only half of it's dry at the moment. So I packed that away. I will do the rest tomorrow. So today has been half ass in regards to the washing.

Raven as The Evil Queen: "Vanity" @ Showgirls!

I Did

I know sometimes your wandering about the Titles I put up for each Post. Well get in line so do I. Lol. Anyway I had a bit of a how shall we say. I had a brief moment of insight. What defines some one lets say they are a dancer. Do they need all the paraphernalia before they can dance. No it really is a mindset so without that being in place then not much will follow. So even if you aren't able to express what you would like to and your not given the space to do it either as long as you have the mindset it does not matter. I know that it is not much of a conciliation but there it is.

Before

So I did go to Gym today so break out the Trumpets. Wasn't bad actually did the circuit I normally do bar one machine. Yes I came up with my own circuit. Whether it does anything for me remains to be seen. I am not a Gym Bunny by any stretch of the imagination.

Broke Out

So i normally don't drink on Sunday Night's but I opened another bottle of Red Wine just because I was a bit stressed. Did not drink the whole bottle just thought you should know. So last night was not too bad had Hotdogs which were very good. Home made ones. Found this Heinz Ketchup with Peri Peri in it. First time I have seen that. So I thought I would give it a bash. Not bad. Not too hot either. Can't stand when it's too hot just ruins the taste.

Did

So as you well know by now I did the cleaning of the Abode today. Did not have too much difficulty getting out of bed this morning. It's normally Wed, Thu and Friday that I have the problems with. So another week begins. Lets see how this one turns out.

Pitch Perfect

So I watched it last night. Not a bad Movie. Just good ole entertainment. Nothing to be taken seriously. I enjoyed none the less.

Pitch Perfect

It Gets Better, Jodie Harsh

Don't

I don't normally have wine on a Sunday night. Except since I am so on edge. I decide to open a bottle. Just to calm the nerves a bit. Yeah right any excuse to drink. That's an alcoholic for you. lol. No seriously I am not. lol. So I have got a Dvd for tonight which I think is going to be better than last nights one. Well I will tell you about it tomorrow once I have seen it.

So

This morning went out to have Breakfast. Had a Breakfast Tramezinni and a cappuccino. Have to say that The Tramezinni was ok I have had better. Well I suppose every now and then you are going to have a dud. Can't always predict what something is going to be like. Well it looked a hell a lot better on the menu. Those bloody food stylists.

Had To

I had to take a med during the day since I am not doing that well when it comes to anxiety, Just whats happening around me triggered it off. My Neighbor is being an .......... by playing his music loud again. Went looking for other abodes today did not see anything that was cool. So I was out for this morning.

Last Night

Now that I remember what I watched last night. Well you should see it below. "Identity Thief". I thought it was going to be a lot more funny than it was. It was ok and it was just entertaining. Something to watch if you don't have anything to do.

Identity Thief

Jinkx Monsoon: Drag Becomes Him #5 // "Monsoon Season"

A Bit

Today I felt just a bit anxious. It did get the better of me just for a short while. Fortunately I did not have to take my Mid Day Med. Well I am supposed to take it it's just that I keep it for when I really feel stressed. I am looking for a tablet that will calm me down. For the anxiety one is not all that strong at all. I think I have mentioned this before. Anyway at the moment I am feeling a bit anxious not a lot just a bit. Which can change especially I find that I am more anxious on the weekends more than during the week. There could be a reason for it. Which does not necessarily help thinking about it. We all have things that set us off. I just wish there was not. Unfortunately we don't live in Paradise. And we have to put up with others idiosyncrasies.

Mask

I had to put on a Hydrating Mask when I came back cause my skin is so dry from the weather. So at the moment my skin is all glistening and sparkling. Well it is just very moist.

Around

Did Grocery shopping this morning went and had brunch after having dropped something off. I decided to have the spaghetti bolognese. There was so much that I had to take the rest home with me. Which I will have sloppy joe's tonight. I think It will a good quick thing. So don't have to cook or anything. So today was pretty much the same as any Saturday goes. Now I am posting and watching Vlog's and then a little later will watch some telly again. Got a Dvd for tonight at least. Will telly you about it tomorrow. For the moment I cant even remember what it is called. Lol. I know.

Last

So I came through last night alright. It was not as if it was a party or anything. So I did not get drunk or anything. Just had a couple of glasses of red wine had My Pizza watched a bit of Telly. Other than that it's not a huge thing. lol. I am trying to say it was just another night in front of the Telly. Not that there was much on Telly except for Long Island Medium. I think I repeated myself about seven times all saying the same thing and I am not even drinking or anything.

Jinkx Monsoon: "Here's to the Ladies in Drag"

Slowly

Still a bit under the weather from Therapy. Had my dose of good Vlog's today although they are not the usual ones I watch. I had to find the ones I was looking for. The normal ones only had one which was good. Still I needed more. It sounds like I am an addict the way I am talking about it, right. lol.

I Look Forward

I have however got something to look forward to today. I bought two bottles of red wine and a store Tv dinner pizza. Lol. I don't know what to call it otherwise. Lets say I have to grill it. I know it's not much but when I drink I feel more like myself the self that was not on Meds. As I have stated before the Meds did change me drastically. (Listening to Placebo's Pure Morning.) I don't necessarily get hammered just a bit soaked lol.  I just did not get a Dvd to watch so I will have to make do with whats on Telly. Yep that's right probably find its a whole lot of Shite. Well what can you do at least the wine will make it seem interesting.

Struggle

Ok so sue me I did not go to Gym today. I did however wake up at little earlier than the two other days. Not much just a little earlier than yesterday. Which I was so proud of. lol. I will really have to try to get my act together. It is hard and it is a struggle. I am seriously lacking in Motivation at the moment. I just don't know how to remedy it.

At Least

I posted xxmichaeljames's Draw My Life so that at least you know who he is. So if I post one of his Vlogs then you will know who he is. I will not be offended if you decide not to read this Blog anymore after the next couple of posts. Well you will see for yourself.

DRAW MY LIFE - XXMICHAELJAMES (possibly prepare some tissues? haha)

Watching

So I have been watching my Vlogs. Which are a staple diet for me. I just love watching My Subscriptions. The one day I actually thought I might start my own Channel. So I set the the web cam up and started to do a Vlog. Let me tell you it looks easy but is not. After viewing mine. I decide that it would really be a bad idea to start a channel. For I suck. I was terrible at it, no jokes. So that did not last too long. I think I am a lot better at blogging that I am Vlogging. If that is how you spell it.

Product

They say we are a product of all the decisions we have ever made in our life. Except being Bipolar is not a choice. So to some greater degree my decisions have been influenced quite heavily by the fact that I am Bipolar. So that has to suck does it not. It's like having a leg shorter than the other which just makes you walk around in circles

I Am

To some extent I am feeling a bit better from Tuesday. It has taken awhile to process the things we dealt with during the Session. Normally it does not take so long. I have occasions when I only take a day to process what we went through. This time as I said was a particularly heavy. It's not to say that I have stopped dealing with it. It is more to say that it is not affecting that much emotionally. Or maybe I'm in denial to just how much I have been affected. There is a strong possibility that that is the case. It's not something that is ever going to just go away. It is something that I deal with on a daily basis. Just have never really gone into it at a level we did on Tuesday. It is really like I shove it into the back of my mind so I don't have to deal with. Yet Lulu is forever present. Therapy is like going round in circles. Dealing with issue on a specific level and the next time it comes around we dig into it deeper and then it goes around and then we go deeper. So the issues become harder and harder to deal with. With that in mind you will understand why it becomes harder to deal with. It takes a lot out of you when you deal with a subject in such an intense level.

Lost

I lost the battle to go to Gym today. I really just could not get the motivation to get my .... out of bed. so I spent an inordinate amount of time in the Bed. I really don't know why it is such a hassle at the moment. It seems that in the last couple of weeks that I am losing the battle. Well still have tomorrow lets see how that goes. You can start taking bets as to what I am going to do. I am betting I don't make it tomorrow.

Proud to Love - Haley Star

Found

I have just found three channels that I used too watch at some stage on a different Blog. I am Glad I found them again. It's like finding old friends. So I have subscribed to them again. So at least there is something positive that has happened today.

Still

Still feeling rather Fragile at the moment the tears can run at any given moment as they are doing now. I slept really late today. Pretty much half the day. Well there are times when I just lay there and snoozed for a little while so and so forth. So today is going to be a bit of a bust to say the least. I will endeavor to got to Gym tomorrow so it does not end up being the same as today. I still have to find something to do on the days that I am not busy so I don't end up sleeping them away. I have not heard anything from that volunteer situation and don't expect to either they were just asking to much. I am listening to Placebo at the moment which I absolutely love. It is at least cheering me up some what.

Watch

I have this Collaborative Channel on You Tube that I watch. They have a different person for each weekday that posts for that day. Unfortunately the one person has quit which was a little while ago and now there is another person that is going to quit. It is sad to watch something fall apart. I can't imagine that the rest of the people that are part of the channel are going to survive. Well I don't mean to be negative it is just how I see things moving forward. I know that some will post individually and not part of the Channel. So yet another thing I will have to wait to see how it works out.

Forgot

So Yesterday I got a number for a support group that is close to me. That is a support group for Bipolar and Depression. Well that's what I understand it to be. So the woman phoned me later in the day after I had left a message. The only thing is the group meets on Tuesday Nights. I was hoping for a group that gets together during the day. Well can't always have it your way can you. So I said I will attend next week on Tuesday since this one was to short a notice and I was just not prepared to go last night. Well that's that lets see what happens.

Depressed

Still

I am still feeling rather boxed in. I would use other jargon but that would be giving too much away. I would rather protect myself than be giving too much info. It is just the way I feel about it. So as a result of feeling boxed in I am now depressed. I just wish I could just go and sleep. Even taking Meds you can still feel depressed. Which I find strange. I suppose it just helps you to not become clinically depressed. I am listening to some Music at the moment. When I feel like this it's either I post or sleep or listen to Music. You will just have to forgive since I am feeling rather out of it. So much so I just can't post anymore for today.

Back

So I am back from my Therapy session. Today's session was particulary heavy and yes there was some tears. I will admit to that. We covered quite a few topics relating to one specific topic. That is about as much info I am willing to divulge.

Music

So I have decide not to post Music Posts for a long time. I am getting the feeling that some people think that this the norm. That everyday when I post |I ma going to post a Music Clip. Well as I have said before that this is not an entertainment channel. So sorry about that. I would rather people be reading this Blog for the right reasons.

Yep

So just another day of Laundry finished. Folded and packed away. Yes when it comes to clothes I am pretty neat. I like a bit of organization it helps when your looking for something.

Space - Female Of The Species

Have To

At some stage I need to find out if there are any support groups in the area for depression. I know that I have mentioned this before. I also know that I am procrastinating. I just cant imagine what the group would be run like. lol. Hopefully it's not run on the 12 step program for that would not make any sense at all.

Boxed In

I am feeling a bit anxious today well quite a bit to be honest. I really am feeling boxed in. Like I have no room to maneuver. I slept a bit this afternoon after having put the washing away. The time I normally use to do postings on my Blog. So I am a bit out of sorts at the moment. Watched two of my series Say Yes To The Dress and then came and started posting. I really don't have much to say today except for the bit that I am not feeling myself today. I feel like I need to break free of all the constraints. I know this wont make much sens since your not aware of what it is that I wont to break free from. I will however say that its not something that I can do because of circumstances dictate that I cant,. Yet it still does make me feel any better. i am glad that I am going tho Therapy tomorrow. I don't know what I would do if I did not have Therapy once a week.

Yes

Ok so I manged to get to Gym today what a miracle. After having run around I went before going home. |I did not do everything that I normally do yet I did enough to make me feel ok. That is I did not waist my time by going. I really don't like doing things not properly. I can be a bit of a perfectionist. Well not really but close enough. lol

Today

Well as normal I have manged to get the Abode clean had to run around afterwards to get a few things. At least that's done for now. The weeks just fly by.Before you know it will be the end of the year again.

Sting - Fragile

Don't

Sometimes I don't post the stuff I have seen so I decide that from now if I have seen a Movie I will post a post. Before I just did not think it was worth talking about. For you know sometimes you watch something that you think would be good. Only to discover that it's not. Can't always win when it comes to Movies.

Jack The Giant Slayer

Jack The Giant Slayer

So last night watched Jack The Giant Slayer on Dvd. not bad good entertainment. Nothing worthy of an Oscar though. So if your board then you can watch it. I was going to post the trailer except the Trailer gives the whole plot away. Now what fun is that, you know the story before you have seen the Movie.

Run Around

So beside having Brunch went around to a couple of malls to find something been searching for. Found them So at least there's that. Ok so I did the usual thing which is so predictable. Its almost as if you really don't have a choice. I am not a sporty person. Can't stand sports. Don't watch it on Telly. I would rather watch a Movie or a Tv series or even read a good book. Well that's that. What can I say.

Usual

So today is a normal day. In regards to going out went one restaurant and had cappuccino. then decide to go to another one and had a cappuccino there and a filled croissant. You know sometimes you sit at a place and then you really don't feel like staying there well that is why restaurants were swapped. Not a big deal. Well it is your money and you can do whatever you want. So don't feel embarrassed by going somewhere else. Even if you haven't ordered it makes no difference.

Yello - The Expert

First Look | Breaking Amish: LA

Some

Watched some Tv last night. Did not watch any series since I went to bed early. I did however have some vodka and red wine last night. So that made the evening a little more interesting. Will have to get some more red wine tomorrow since I don't have much left. Ordinarily I do drink on the weekends at night especially when I ma going to watch a movie. No its not to get drunk just happen to like those kinda things.

Music

I love Music and have quite a lot of Cds. It is the one thing that I can escape with or into. My music taste is varied and includes a lot of genre's. You already know that I don't like Rap. So that would be one genre that I stay away from. at the moment I ma listening to Lady Gaga. It's the compilation Cd called The Fame Monster. So it's all the best of type Cd. Now that you know that I am sure you will feel that much closer to me. lol. I have a list of Bands that I want to get. I will probably have to order them since most people have not heard of them. I have some one that I can ask to get them for me. I am in no rush. So I can wait.

One

One thing I haven't spoken about yet is the seeing things that remind me about Lulu. I am having black coffee since there is no milk. lol. That's how desperate things are. ( Don't worry I won't starve) Anyway back to the topic. Seeing things or thinking about certain things or even reading things remind me why  have an Elephant by the name of Lala in the room. This is kinda hard too describe with out saying too much. We are constantly reminded by us seeing things as we go through the day,. This we all know to be true. It's when you see things that remind you of the thing that you can't speak or mention that it becomes harder. Once again the story with the paraplegic is apt here. Imagine seeing able body people all day and not being able to walk. It would drive me insane. Well it's the same for me. I am constantly reminded about that which I can't bring up or the thing I can't mention. It really makes it hard to live with knowing that it will never come to pass.

Same Thing

|No I have not left the Domus today. So it's just another day stuck in bed till late. I will go out tomorrow to the mall. I don't think that every weekend has to be stuck going to Malls you can take a break.Even though being stuck in bed is not much different. So I am sitting watching My Vlogs which I love. Well you know that already. If I had gone out this morning I would have had something to eat by now. Except there is not much in the Fridge at the moment for haven't done the weekly grocery shopping. So Mt Tummy is growling now and it will need something soon.

The Corrs - Radio (Unplugged)

Stuck

keep on going round and round on the same issues. Well it makes sens especially if the issues can not be allowed out. It's the same no matter what age you are. The same anxieties the same burdens etc, etc. Whats worse is I know there can never be a resolution to the situation. Which in of itself is really hard to deal with. It's almost like being a paraplegic knowing you will never be able to walk again no matter how positive you are. Well it's the same for me. That is enough to torment any one.

Naked God

Well I am onto my last book of the series that being The Naked God by Peter F. Hamilton. I must this series has been awesome. Definitely does take you on a journey of note well that's if your into Science Fiction. I  look forward to getting into the last book. Even though I don't like finishing any series for it like the characters you have grown to like die a sudden death. That's why I like it when the authors keep the same characters and make trilogies that retain them going forward. I have one series that is 13 books long which I will get into some time. Talk about a story I can only imagine how many characters your going to have to keep up with.

Watching

At the moment I am watching Clips of my favorite bands. It's like a trip down memory lane. There a few benefits of having You Tube and this happens to be one of them So thank goodness for it. It's better than listening to cd's. At least you get to see the bands in action and then there are the Vlogs which I watch. So its like socializing without leaving your home. Which can be a problem if it's all you do. I should know since I don't socialize that much. What am I saying I don't socialize at all. So there is the problem. You found me out.

Sorry

So if you were betting on me making it to the gym today you would have lost. That's right I didn't go. Instead I was curled up into a ball under the covers of my bed. So you can say that this week has been a bit of a bust. There are weeks that I just can't get it together. So I struggle whats new. Some would say I am lazy. I would say I have no motivation to do anything which in a nut shell is Depression as well as a result of the Meds. I just don't have a reason to get out of bed. Well not one that is appealing enough. Well if I am going around in circles then you must know how I feel. oh for something different. They say that change is just as good as a holiday. I am not too sure I agree with them. Plus who are they that keep telling what is. lol.

George Michael - Father Figure

Really

I just wish that I could make this Blog more interactive. How I don't know but I really think that in the futre they will become more interactive.

Was

So I was watching this Vlog of following some through their day as it evolves. Anyway so they are in this car and there are two of them and its this whore and that whore etc Then the music comes on and its this really strong Rap. Well that is me I just closed the Vlog and wont be watching that person any time soon. I really don't understand why people have to go there its so unnecessary. Sorry to say that in general I don't like rap. There might one or two songs like Same Love which is in support of Gay Marriage. The rest I don't have time for. Sorry that is just how I feel about it. It's a free world and you can like and dislike what ever you want as long as it is not hurting someone then its ok.

Just Hoping

I hope that if anyone were to follow this Bog it is to read what I say and not watch all the stuff I Put in like the Music Clips and the rest of them. ( Just had some Coffee so I have coffee mouth at the moment) So I hope that you guys don't see this as an entertainment Blog.

Still

Still to a large degree am I still sick to the stomach in regards to that money. As a result I slept in rather late and probably go have a nap just now.It is already quite late in the day. Well not that much but its already into the afternoon.( Nothing like curling into a ball and just sleeping the hours away in the bed. It does make me feel guilty since I should have gone to Gym today. Which really was not an option for me since I just wasn't in the mood today). I told you  can't stand waisting money like that

Adele - Make You Feel My Love (Live on Letterman)

Of Course

Of course I am feeling depressed from today but I am depressed for other reasons. I really wish I could get going on something to make myself better from not being able to have the space to express myself. I know we are back there again. Unfortunately it's a continuing theme in my life and wont stop until something drastic happens. Lulu is really doing well at the moment. I just cant become unstuck. I am sure I have you guessing by now what am I speaking about or referring to all the time. Unfortunately I cant come out and just say it. It is not as simple as that believe me. I would love to if the circumstances were different. Don't hold your breathe about it ever happening. Since I am really condemned to remain like this indefinitely. Damn you say. Yes it is very complicated and I will refer to it in very round about terms. I will never be able to tell you outright what it is. So your going to have to keep surmising as to what I am referring to. Sorry about that. It's just the way it has to be. I am not kidding either about this it is really real.

At Least

At least I had something to do today even though it was what it was. I probably would have either slept late or went to Gym. I really have to find something to do to fill my time. So I will have to start looking into volunteering somewhere. Just where and what is the question. I also want to try and find a support group for during the day for Depression. I really don't think I will have any luck in that for more than likely they are at night since most people are working. So we will have to see hwat comes of that.

After

So After having gone ad thrown my money down the toilet. I decide to get some comfort food. Well maybe you wont think of it as comfort food. Yes I went to McDonald's and got a quarter pounder. Well at least |I enjoyed while it lasted. I have been wanting to get some McDonald's for awhile. Well I have been saying I wanted to. I have just been lazy about it.

To

I am sick to my stomach. I had to pay the Government so money today. It was quite a bit of money. Money that I really don't have. I tried to get a discount but they weren't having it. There is one thing that really makes me mad and that is when I have to pay the Government money for any reason be it Tax etc. I t makes no difference as to what it is I loathe paying money to the Government. I am not a big fan of the Government at all. It will definitely take awhile before I am over it. So Scream Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hoobastank - The Reason

Trying

So I am trying to make my life make more sense for the moment it is quite fractured. Which I understand since I am contending with different things which have come into my Life through no fault of my own I have stated before that My Meds have changed me quite a lot. Which I am not happy about. People reckon that I am doing better on the Meds than off them. I will tend to disagree with the for I know they have altered me in way which I don't like. I know that I am not imaging it either. So I am trying my best to get back to what I was like off the Meds now that I am on Meds. It is proving to be rather difficult. Another thing which I mentioned before is not being able to express myself or even feeling I have the space to express myself etc. Considering this and many other aspects complicates the situation. Lulu does get a bit bigger every now and then which makes it difficult to maneuver around. ( The Elephant) Talk about issues that cant be dealt with.

Interview

I forgot to mention that I went on an Interview for volunteering as a telephone councilor. They really wanted a lot from me. Not considering that I would have to travel quite a way to their place. So I am not holding my breath on that one. Will have to look for something else to do. Not too sure what that is going to be.

New

So the Laundry is all done and packed away. I feel like I wrote this just yesterday that is how time is flying for me. Put the new Duvet which was given to me. Just in case you were wandering. As well as the new pillows that went with the duvet. I like my old duvet there is nothing wrong with it apart from being old that is. So I will see tonight if its as good as my old one.

Again

So I have returned from seeing My Psychologist and my Psychiatrist. Got my Monthly lot of Meds. Sorted all that out. The session today with Psychologist today was interesting. Broached a couple of subjects that have not been done before. Will want to pick up from where we left off next week. Well as long as I remember. Who something else might come up which is more important.

Oz The Great And Powerful Trailer

Ok

Last night I watched Oz The Great and Powerful which was so cute. There is one character that I loved and was so cute. I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone. So best you watch it yourself. At best it was entertaining.

Didn't

We had a power failure just now. At the time I normally post. So I wasn't too sure if I was going to post today. Well at least it did not last that long. Well not that I know of . For I was sleeping when it went off. So I am not sure how long it was off.

Did

So I am proud of myself for having made it to gym today. Wasn't a struggle at all. Well it normally isn't at the beginning of the week it's more like the rest of the days that become a bit of a bugger. lol

The Cranberries - Ode To My Family

Last Night

Last night I watched a Dvd it was quite entertaining nothing really special. Did have some red wine mind you me. I was off it for awhile not that I am fully into it at the moment. I kinda go through phases. Really like Cider now well have liked cider for ever just did not get any. Not Train Smash.

Feeling

Feeling a bit anxious today and even took a extra Med to try and calm myself. I really need to find something stronger. I think that the Doctor would have subscribed something by now if there is such a thing. That is something stronger. Aaaahhh for something stronger.

Places

Ran around this afternoon looking for Places. Did not see anything that grabbed my attention at all. Some where just holes in the wall. Will keep the Faith that eventually will find something that is worthwhile. Here's hoping.

Today

I was at a restaurant for breakfast and a cappuccino which was not bad. Just some make good cappuccinos and some are just ok. So this mornings one was ok the food was nice. lol. Now that I have shared this with you I believe that you should feel that much closer to me lol. Ran around  in the same Mall looking for stuff.

Enya - Orinoco Flow

Behind the Read: Grandma's Chocolate Cookies | Long Island Medium

Forgot

I forgot something lol I just can't remember what it was. I was going to Blog about it but has slipt my mind. No seriously it was some TV Show that I had watched. I know that last night I watched an episode of Future Forward if that is what it is called. I think there is one more and I would have completed the series.

Break Fast

Went to a different place for Brunch today. Half way between breakfast and Lunch. Was quite nice had a cappuccino and a croissant with a filling. This was after I went to the interview for the councillor thing. Just around the corner so it worked out quite well.

Weekends

I have come to the conclusion that I am the most anxious when it comes to the weekends. Too many variables. I think that the most important thing with Anxiety is the loss of control. Then when there are too many variables there is the onset of Anxiety. mes can only help you so much. That I can attest too. I have a Med for half day which I only take if I an too stressed. Well I am supposed to take it normally. I just keep it for when I am the most anxious. There is another Tab I have heard of which mellows you out when you really get stressed. I am going to speak to my doctor about it and see if the Doctor knows about. Maybe I can get it if it exists.

This Morn

So I went to an Interview this morning for a telephone councilor well volunteer to do with depression. I don't think I will get since they asked too many things to be done by their councillors . You would swear that you were going for a job interview. I would expect them to treat volunteers more thankfully. well enough of that if they don't phone me it's no big deal. well as far as I am concerned.

Duffy - Stepping Stone

Watch

Probably watch series tonight since I did not get a Dvd for tonight. Not a big deal. I will probably get one for tonight.

Not Again

I think I am going to have to drink some red wine so I can relax a bit. That's the best suggestion. Neighbors bug you drink red wine. It makes perfect sense. Well at least I thought so. lol. No I am not kidding I am going to drink some wine. Yes I am on Meds but do I care no ways. I have never let the Meds get in the way of me having a good time. Well to date I have not had any reactions or side effects.

New

Got new down duvet and pillows yesterday. Which is cool. Now I just have to swap out the old for the new.  So at least thats something.

Noise

My neighbors are bugging the ........... out of me playing their loud music. I have complained numerous times but it does not seem to make a difference. They just don't care. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh scream. Looking to move if everything works out. There is a lot to be done and then will I only know then if I can move. So at the moment there is a very slim chance of moving.

Florence + The Machine - Shake It Out

Dreams

I had a few dreams lately that were pretty awesome. the thing I loathe is that when ever it's getting to an interesting point I wake up. And as much as I try I can't get back into it. It would be a miracle if you were able to resume the same dream after waking up. There really is no harm in trying is there.

Same Love

What can I do the song Same Love brings tears to my eyes. It's kinda hard not to become teary eyed. Lulu would know why if ever anyone knew the reason why. (Lulu being the elephant) Gotta love Lulu. Some of us might go through life dragging balls and chains which impede our moving forward or even moving at all. Even impede our ability to express ourselves. We know why those of us who are stuck.

Finally

The strange feeling has been identified as something missing in my Life. Which can be a lot of things I know. So finally I have some idea or inkling as to the nature of the beast. I know it's very vague. But aren't our feelings very vague well some of them at least. We know anger, hate and all the strong emotions it's the subtle ones that baffle us. Yet this is what I sit with I know I said it had gone away. So it possibly went away now that I have identified the feeling. Now to put a label to. This missing thing is ...............

Sloth

Yes I did not go to Gym again today I am repeating the pattern from yesterday. It will be a miracle if I make it to gym tomorrow. There are just those days that I can not get the motivation to go gym at all. What else can I say. This is the eternal struggle for us who really don't like going to gym. For me its more like a chore than it is fun.

Beth Ditto talks about bullying

Feel

I am tempted to say what I would want to say about Lala. But I am not going to she is representative of what I can't say since I would feel too exposed.Sometime she grows dependent on how I am feeling. Sometimes I want to voice it other times it really is just there. There are of course many reason that some one would have an elephant in the room. There are other ways of referring to elephant in the room. But I am not going to use those terms even though if I did it would make more sense.

The Elephant

So I have decide that the Elephants name is going to be Lala and will be wearing a black corset and pink tutu with black leggings and pink ballet pumps and a small bling crown on her head. lol. So from now on when I mention Lala then you will know who I am talking about. lol. I think some people are going to become really confused if they do not know this fact.

Have To

I just have to say that I really like Randy from Say Yes To The Dress. He is so put together very personable. An absolute sweat heart. I could go on and on about him but I won't. You get the picture.

Bullying

Most people don't experience bullying. It really is those on the fringe of society experience it. You know what groupings I am talking about. I don't think I need to spell it out. I was bullied when I was much younger. Fortunately It did not carry through to my adult life or adolescent period. So I have a feel as to what it is like. It was not as drastic as some have had it nonetheless it did happen. Bullying comes in many shapes and sizes. Normally the Bully has a very low self esteem and the only way they feel better is by putting other down. I wont say that this is the case for all bullies. There are different reasons why people become Bullies or are Bullies. I really don't want to get into it too much since most people know what I am talking about.

Thinking

So I have been thinking of starting another blog. Since I can't really say what I want to say on this one. Well I just feel that way. Then again if you start seeing rather different things on this Blog then you will know what I mean. I am rather esoteric or eclectic or alternative you choose which word is appropriate.

Lazy

Today I have been a real sloth since I stayed in bed for really long. I just did not want to get up at the time I usually get up at. So my day started really late and is going to fly since I got up so late. Before you know it's going to be night. Well what can you do this things happen when your like a sloth. Not that it has not happened before.

Coldplay - Yellow

Can't

Well I can say that the weird feeling has gone. I can't say that will never be another one. Well obvious. They say that you shouldn't base things on feelings. Well too bad I do sometimes. Not all the time at least. Well at least the Elephant has not grown in size since we last spoke about it. Yet it still lingers there. Something that can not be escaped. You are always aware of it. Then sometimes you will have a recollection of exactly why it's there. Not that you aren't aware of it on a constant basis the recollection is a bit stronger than being aware of it. It is very seldom that you are able to exercise the Elephant. You know I just had a thought maybe we should give the elephant a name. Then those that don't follow this blog will be really confused. I will have to think of a name. Also what to dress the elephant in.

Return

So I have come back from My Therapy session. Today was a bit different started on one topic and ended somewhere completely different. So I would say that it was a good fruitful session. Even though we could have spent more time on certain issues.

Ready

So getting Ready to go to Therapy today. Will be leaving just now. Thought I might pop into the shops either going there or on the way back. I just have not come up with anything to talk about today. It's quite a regular thing now a days. I wonder why. Maybe there are days I just don't feel like delving into my Psyche. Or maybe I am tired of delving into my Psyche which is quite a tough thing to do on a regular basis. But then again it's necessary even though it's a pain.

Doing

Well doing the laundry. Which is a Tuesday thing as you well know. I almost did not do it today in favor of doing it tomorrow. Then I gave up the idea of doing it tomorrow. Just thought lets just get it over with. That way it is not dragged on.

Say Yes to the Dress - Dress Code

Had To

So I had to nip off to go see Say Yes To The Dress and others. Sometimes I don't post right after each post because I have to nip off and do other things. Which makes sense. One of the few things that do. Right lol.

Different

I have been feeling a bit different recently. Besides the fact that I was really anxious yesterday. Well super anxious. I am glad that that is over. Well back to the different. I can't really explain this but I have just have this feeling which I can't put my finger on. It's not as bad thing it's a different thing. I also suppose that we can't always have what we want. I know that this does not make any sense. I tend to base a lot on feelings. Sometimes I just am not able to figure out what these feelings are. There are a few times that I am able to. Those times there are reasons for me finding out what they are.

Extra

So went to gym today and did some extra stuff today. I have been watching people on these machines to see what they do on them. I kinda do this on a regular basis. Once I am sure I know what to do then I will give it a shot. So today I used two new machines which I am going to add to my routine.

Done

So cleaning the domus for the today is done. Went quite fast as well. Well at least it's done for another week.

Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman - Somethin' Stupid

Thinking

Sometimes I have to sat that I don't understand people. It's almost like they really have no concept that there are others around them. I ma talking about people taking others into consideration. Well I know that some people are narcissistic. Well in other words they love themselves to the exclusion of all those around them and then you just get people that are just self involved.  Ok I am ranting here but I need to. Since some people just drive me mad.

Just

Hoping that this week will be a better one for me all around. Meaning in every avenue. Well I can't imagine that we can have it all at once that would be a miracle. Well there is always wishing or Dreaming. Can never stop Dreaming. I think that One Week at a time is not asking too much . Dependent on how you see things.

Anxious

Feeling rather Anxious today. So took the Mid day tablet. It's kinda working. Just wish I could get something stronger. Hate feeling like this. Not a great feeling at all. I suppose some of it's circumstantial.

Last Night

So saw the movie last night which was pretty good. Nice entertaining Movie. Then went to an Indian restaurant and ate some Chicken Tikka Masala and naan Bread which was really tasty. Nothing like the flavors of Indian food make pasta look like its plain. Well suppose it's just my opinion. Haven't had Indian food from a restaurant in quite awhile.

Kylie Minogue - Slow

View

Can't really say that there is much going on at the moment. Being watching Vlogs and such the weekend seems to slow down as far as activity goes on You Tube. Had a few too watch at least.

Nap

So I decided to take a quick nap. Then to carry on posting. Just felt like lying down. I suppose it's because I got up a little earlier this Morning. Well at least I fell rested now. I think I must be related to bears somewhere in my past. lol

Tonight

Going to watch a movie tonight. So will probably go out for dinner afterwards. Not too sure where that is going to be. Probably have to pick when come out of the movie. It is really one of those I am not too sure things. Which I have to see at the time as too where to go.

Today

So it would really be odd if I were to say I did something different. Went to the Mall had  a cappuccino and some breakfast. As well as Running around to the stores to search for a couple of things. Did find most of what was looking for. The Malls weren't that busy today which was a good thing. I actually don't like it when there is too many people around. I prefer the Malls during the week when there are hardly anyone there. Then you can take your time and you don't have to stress out.

Slowly

Slowly but surely you will start getting the gist of this Blog. Just know this that nothing is as it appears to be. So don't get complacent and think you know what it is about. For just as you do it will change not drastically but none the less it will change. The changes will be subtle ever so subtle. It is more a question of what is truly driving this Blog.

Shirley Bassey - Get The Party Started (Official Video)

Gym

I am a bit of a wuss today even though I was looking forward to going. I wussed out and did not go. There is a valid reason for not going but well I think it's valid. Which I am not going to share since you will then know that I am a Wuss. lol.

Did

Managed to get some laundry done this morning. Haven't really done much since that. I really have had a very lazy day today.

Believe

I just can't believe that it is the weekend again. This last week really flew. Well that's how it felt to me. Then I am sure the weekend is going to fly as well. While we are at it we might  as well admit this year is flying by. Can you believe it is July already.

Kind Of

Kind of feel a bit better after watching Jenna and listening to Same Love. It really always boils down to trying to be your authentic self. Sometimes you cant be that because of circumstance other times its easier being yourself if you are given the space to be you and are supported and affirmed for the same reason. Yet it does not always work out as well sometimes it is really tough and you don't have support to be who you are. Not everyone is lucky enough to have people who care. So it can be lonely if your stuck not being able to be yourself.

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - SAME LOVE ft. Mary Lambert...

Thoughts On Being Yourself

The Rest

The rest of today I spent sleeping. I am try to work on something to do so that I don't spend so much time sleeping. Hopefully it works. I just have to fill in a form and send it off. It is to volunteer for a helpline. Which you have to be trained first before you can do it. I thought it was a good idea lets just see what happens with it. I am not holding my breath.

Run Around

Not that I did too much of it but I had to do a few things today. Like go to the Pharmacy to pick up a script etc. So I was able to get all I needed to have done done. Not really much of a feat if you ask me. I make it sound as if I struggled to get it done. No it was easy.

Snow White and the Huntsman - Florence + The Machine: "Breath of Life" M...

At The Moment

I am stuffing myself with sweets or better known as candy. I suppose I am on a bit of a binge. I just hope that the rant that I had yesterday made sense. Well it made sense to me. I can't say that I wont be ranting like that from here on forward. I think that is supposed to be said in a different way. anyway I am feeling a bit under the weather today since I can't say what I really would want to say given the opportunity. Well I can say that over and over without anything changing, So I won't for now at least. There are often things in your life that you can't or don't address for different reasons. We all have them. Some are more personal to our selves and some aren't. Either way its hard to live with the Elephant following you where ever you go. It is rather sad. We all aspire to different things some are achievable some aren't dependent on how realistic the goal is. Sometime we know that we will never be in the position to be able to achieve said goal. Which is depressing. They say that Hope Differed makes the Heart Sick. Which is true for My Heart is sick and probably will never be able to mend. I know that I am speaking in riddles but that is the only way I can address the unaddressable. (I don't think there is such a word, well who cares right. Lol)

Today

Yes I went to Gym today except it was very close to me not going. I was or am In one of My really Lazy days today. Where all I wanna do is sleep. So it was a combo today of Gym and sleep. I know it can become really boring if done day in and day out. Yet that is what My Meds have done to me and that is strip me of all motivation. You would think it should be the other way around yet it is not.

Yesterday

I forgot to say that yesterday was one of my washing days and it was completed. Which is really cool. Since sometimes it can be quite a mission for me. So when ever I complete it for the time being I am grateful.

George Michael - An Easier Affair

Have Been

I have been trying to find a way to express myself for awhile now. It is quite frustrating not have a outlet to express yourself through. So I am going to be trying to find a way that I can use this Blog to try and express myself through. It might not make too much sense at first then again it might not make any sense at all. I find myself in a spot at the moment where I must try and figure away to do it otherwise it will come out in another way. Which could be a problem. For if you suppress yourself for too long it can create problems emotionally speaking.
I really feel that I don't have the Space to express myself at all. So I will have to create away to do that. Or at least try make a space where I can do it. Hence the blog. I started this Blog for that very reason. That  is to express myself and my frustrations. First of all The Meds really change who you are. I don't say this lightly at all. I preferred my life before the Meds as opposed to what it is now. So that in of itself is one frustration that I have. So I can't get back to the way I was. I have tried too and I have succeeded marginally. Secondly there are frustrations around how to express myself for I did not have too much of a problem before. Well actually it was not that great. It is almost like having an Elephant in the room all the time. One that can not be addressed. So the Elephant just gets bigger and bigger as time goes on. It can be quite suffocating having a large Elephant around. Now I will be addressing issues in much the same way that I am now. So if I refer to the Elephant you will now know that there are issues that I can't address . These issues will only be addressed in a round about way. I really don't want to have to explain too much. Yet you will get the gist of it if you do follow this Blog.

So

So I saw my Therapist today. It was quite a heavy session today. Probably one of the heaviest that we have had to date. It takes quite a lot out of you when you have such heavy sessions. So i am a bit depleted as of now.

Bipolar

In all this time I have not mentioned that I am Bipolar. Well there you go I said it. So beside being treated for being depressed I am Bipolar as well. It seems that now a days that every other person is Bipolar. Or is it my imagination. So I am on Meds for both which is supervised once a month I have to see a Psychiatrist.

Robyn - Dancing On My Own

Last Night

So watched a Dvd last night instead of watching the Series's. It was an Oliver Stone movie. It was ok nothing really to write home about. Just every now and then nothing descent is released onto Dvd. So sometimes you really don't have much of a choice. So once in awhile you will watch what ever.

Internet

I have normally got Vlogs that I subscribe to on  You Tube which I watch avidly every day. Sometimes there are a lot and sometimes nothing. It kinda goes in waves. So all in all I love watching the Vlogs and it is a daily thing I do religiously.

Clean

once again I have cleaned the Abode. It was bit of a thing to get started this morning but once I was in the swing of things it went ok. So I have finished cleaning everything I needed and now have some time for all my Internet Interests.

It Was Great

So the late lunch was great yesterday had Indian curry what what. Other than that some red wine and the company was great. So all in all it was a good time for all.