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Dressing English | Breaking Amish: LA

A Few Red

I am sure that maybe some Red Wine will cure me of the Blues. Now that sounds like a song. Well it does .lol. Anything for a laugh I suppose. Yes so I am into the Red at the moment hopefully it will pick up my mood. Actually I think I will need more than one glass.

I Am

Just feeling a little bit Blah at the moment. Just can't put my finger on it. It's one of those days. You know when your expecting something to happen. Not necessarily in a good way. I had some really weird Dreams this morning which weren't too helpful in getting the day started. So I suppose the day just followed suit. I tried to get some sleep this afternoon but it did not work.

This Morning

Went for Breakfast this morning to a restaurant. Had a Chunky Chicken and Mayonnaise Tramezzini with cheese. Picked up a Dvd before, for tonight. Nothing amazing just another Movie. Could not find anything wow. stopped at a store got a newspaper and coke amongst other things and came back to the Abode.

The Impossible

So last night watched The Impossible which is based on a true story. You will see a picture right at the end of the actual family that underwent the drama. I like movies that are based on true stories. This one was good one. If you have nothing to do this one you can watch. Not a brilliant movie still I liked it. Really good Movies are few and far between.

The Impossible

Self-harm & Recovery

My Diet

This will blow your socks off. Just before I went to Gym I had a hot cross bun the last one for the week. When I came back from Gym I had one and a half glasses of Coke and half a glass of water. That has been my diet for the day so far. Don't worry I will have something decent for supper. Well for most days I will either eat cereal for lunch or a hot cross bun and then I will have supper. Sometimes I only have supper and don't eat anything else during the day. Now that is a terrific Diet and should help me lose a lot. lol Are you kidding that aint any kinda diet.

As Well

I also manged to get My Lazy Butt off to the Gym. Which did not go too badly except I was a little tired towards the end. Which is great for it was towards the end. lol. I don't know what I would have done if it was towards the beginning. None the less it all turned out good.

Lazy Butt

So I managed to get off My Lazy Butt and went shopping today. I would hardly call it shopping for all I got was red wine in preparation for the weekend. Yes that is all I bought . lol. Well it wasn't too far to get it so I did not waste a serious amount of energy getting there. Listen to me you would sear I was Old. Pity I cant put on an accent with the writing for I can put on a mean Old person accent. lol. Yes that's right lol. Too funny I say unto you.

Silly Billy

I wanted to post a specific post yesterday and I had to look for it so it took a little while to find. Which I did and then I posted it. Not realizing that I posted it where I did not want it posted and only found out the hard way that I had posted it the wrong space. So I found it again deleted from the other place and will post it today hopefully I get it right this time. Its a Vlog in case you were wondering. You will see it at the end of the posts today.

Meet Matt | Breaking Amish: LA

Life

I was going to go shopping today but that did not happen for obvious reasons. I intend to go tomorrow for I have to stock up on Red Wine for the weekend. Yeah it's a Staple for my weekends. Hopefully it will be enough to motivate me to get up out of bed earlier. Well I have otherwise I wont have anything to drink tomorrow night.

Suppression

There is one thing I can't stand and that is when people are suppressed. For what ever reason and I know that there are tons of people that are suppressed. Being suppressed for long period of time begins to weigh on the soul and definitely comes out in weird ways. You cant be suppressed without it affecting you psychologically. It is quite sad to know that there are people suffering under oppression. Well it does make me tear up when I think about it.

So

After having made the bed I took My Meds like a good ......... Then I decided to have a hot cross bun. lol. Yes I have a pack of six. So it lasts me the week. Then I had some coffee and  some coke to wash everything down. For the moment I have a Coke craving. I am just going with the flow until the next craving. It will be interesting to see what it is going to be. For the most they are pretty random. Some last for awhile and some not.

Sorry

Today is not much better than yesterday. That being I stayed in bed again. Yes again. I thought I was going to do some shopping and gym and it turned out I did neither. I am not too sure what I am doing at the moment in regards to sleeping so much. I can't blame all of it on Depression. I think I am just lacking the motivation to do anything. There seems little for me to do that peaks my interest. So I would rather do nothing. I had a thought today. Which I don't know if it makes any sense. Since My Life was turned upside down by The Meds. No Really it has been. I have decided to create a new reality for myself. Instead of fighting everything I am merely going to go with it until I see what happens. I can't say what it is since it has only started. So I will have to give it awhile till I have figured it out. I just hope it won't be a mistake.

My Coming Out Story (Sebastiansimonxo)

If Ever

I post quite a bit especially Vlogs. So If I ever post the same one twice you will have to forgive me since I cant always remember what I have posted. I try to keep them recent but every now and then I will post one from long ago. I normally have a reason for doing so. Most of the vlogs I post are for a reason. Hopefully you get that. I suppose it is always open to interpretation. Well enjoy none the less.

Vlogs

I am trying to entertain myself with my Subscription to the Vlogs I follow and so far its working. It's not everyday that I Find really funny Vlogs. So I am having a bit of a laugh which is good for me. Since the rest of the time is spent so seriously. So here is one for the funny side. No I don't mean a vlog
I meant like toasting a vlog when you say something good about someone with a drink in your hand. Right lol.

Food

So having got up I decided to have a Hot Cross Bun. Yeah as opposed to cereal its also my staple diet. Then to chase that down with a cup of coffee. No I don't have a espresso machine. I would be buzzing the whole day from caffeine overdose. Talk about not being able to sleep at all. I think I would become Manic. Which is not such a good idea. People describe as me bouncing off the walls when I am manic. I don't mind but the people around me worry about me when I do. I have to say that is one of the reasons I drink on the weekend and that is to feel as close to the real me as possible. No I mean it I really do besides all the medication I am on to keep me "Normal".

Yikes

Wednesday always turns out to be one of those days where I spend most of my time in bed. Not having any motivation to do anything is probably the reason why. My life for a bed. lol

George Michael - Outside

Big Gap

So there was and is a big Gap today in my day. Which I am sure all of you would be able to guess what that is. Yes' your right I would have been travelling to  see My Therapist and have the Session and travel all the way back. So How did I fill you guessed correctly since I have already told you. I slept. It worked out exactly to exact time I would have been at My Therapist.

Sleep

So this morning I was going to sleep until a certain time and then get up and start the chores for the day. Except I got up before the time I had set for me to get up. Which was more of the case I just felt I needed to get up since. I was no longer enjoying my Time in the bed. Lol. Go figure. It does not happen very often but today was an exception. Don't worry I made up for it later in the day when I decide to take a nap which lasted quite a long time. That's  after I had done the washing.

Today

So I have done quite a lot today. Well that's in the chores dept. I decide yesterday to do some of the laundry ahead of time and then today I did not have that much today. So literally all the washing has been done. Now all that's left to do is fol it and put it away. Which I am going to do tomorrow. So Bravo to me.

Questions and Answers 9 - Gay Marriage!?

Gym

I did mange to make it to the Gym. It wasn't so bad but I find that  Mondays is not as bad as you would think coming from the weekend. I rewarded myself with a can of Coke when I got back to the Abode. Very healthy I know. As I have stated before well at least I think I have. I am no Gym Bunny. I only go because I just want to look normal I don't want to look like some one that goes to gym with muscles sprouting out all over the place. I do not push myself to hard. I kinda take it easy. No high Impact stuff.

Was Not

I wasn't too Anxious last night about today. Which is a good thing. I think tomorrow should be ok. Considering that I will not be seeing My Therapist tomorrow. Lets just see how I cope with the rest of the week.

Did Not

So no Dvd for last night just watched what was on Telly and had grilled sandwiches for supper. Other than that there is not much else to report.

So

I got up a bit later than I do when it's Monday. I still got the cleaning of the Abode done even though it took a bit longer than normal. Maybe I was still Sleepy. lol . Who knows. I also did some washing so That I wouldn't have as much to do tomorrow. Well lets just see if it works out.

Ok

Lol. I want to start Posting and the first thing that came to my mind was I need something to Drink. lol. It seems I have come into a habit not that it happens during the week. It's a weekend thing. Where when I am blogging I drink Red Wine. So Because on the weekend I am so used to it I naturally want to continue into the week. lol It's too funny. The Alcoholic Blogger. Two addictions for one. Internet and alcoholism addictions. I think that I am going to have to start a support group.

Gwen Stefani - Cool

Was

Was a bit anxious coming back to the Abode wasn't too sure if my neighbor would be behaving and not playing loud music as is usual. Fortunately it was quiet. Otherwise I would have not been able to have a rest this afternoon. So that was a change. Just hate when your on nerves edge worrying about if something is going to start or not and not having control over your circumstances.

Did Not

For some really strange reason I had a very restless last night. I barely slept at all. I also did not feel right as well. Well I can't really explain it. But this morning I slept in a bit since I was tired by the time morning arrived. I also lay down this afternoon and feel a bit better for having done it. I just hope I can sleep well tonight.

Far Away

So this morning went to a Mall very far away from the abode. Had breakfast which included you guessed two cappuccinos . lol What else would it be. I suppose you got that by now. I love cappuccinos but they must be hot and the espresso must be strong and there must be very little milk in it. Nothing worse than a milky cappuccino, right.

Afterwards

So afterwards went out for pasta and some focaccia. The pasta was ok I have had better. lol. Cup of cuppocino as well. It wasn't bad flavour was lacking a bit. None the less it was a good night out

Pacific Rim

So last night i went to see Pacific Rim. The crazy thing is that I had no idea what it was about before I went. The only thing I knew was that it was a Sci Fi movie. Well for what it is it is not bad just good old entertainment if your into Action Movies which it is. So I wont say it was a waist of time it was good.

Pacific Rim

Florence + The Machine - Shake It Out

Draw My Life - Nicola Foti aka soundlyawake!

Yippeee

I really am enjoying my Vlogs today there are enough to keep me busy and they are good as well. I don't like it when a Vlog is thrown together just for the sake of making a Vlog. The ones I normally subscribe to are pretty inventive and original. If they tank I normally unsubscribe. I do how ever give them a chance to bounce back since not every one can be entertaining all the time. Listen to me I sound like a critic. lol You will have to forgive me. lol. Every now and then I will post one which I have done already with the draw my life By michaeljamesxx. So that when I post more of his then you will have a good sense of who he is . Just as I am going to do today. Yet another one I want to introduce you to.

I Will

So later I will be going out to go watch a Movie. I will let you know about it tomorrow. I think to get out once in awhile instead of watching Telly everyday is advantageous. In other words it is cool. They say that change is as good as a holiday. Hopefully it will pull me out of my slump which \i am in at the moment.

Today

Feeling a bit better today. even though I am still a bit deflated from the other day. Takes awhile to come back from a really bad bout of Depression even though it was just a mood swing. I have had this conversation with the Psychiatrist they consider is a quick change in mood a mood swing. They say that to be depressed is far longer. So a bout can be a couple of days etc and longer. I disagree to some extent. Since I feel that I have a deep seated Depression that I can tap into at any moment and because it is so bad I can really feel Depressed almost immediately. Plus it does not have to last too long for me to feel it. Then it takes me quite awhile to come back from it. Dependent on how bad the bout is.

Bel Ami

I could not remember the name correctly fortunately I stumbled upon the correct spelling. Anyway watched Bel Ami last night. Not bad. I was expecting some thing a bit different what with all the well known Actor and Actresses. Well what can you do. Entertaining non the less. If your bored you can watch it. Just don't expect to be swept off your feet.

Bel Ami

Kylie Minogue - Come Into My World

Cravings

I don't know why but |I have this Craving for Meat. That's one of the reasons I went to Mc Donalds yesterday. I really don't know why I am craving meat it's not like I am Pregnant or anything. Any who I will have to take care of it this weekend. I will have to be creative. lol

I Have

I really have some cute Vlogs to watch today which has picked up my mood some what. Which is cool.

Depressed

So I was sitting watching telly last night and I was hit by a major mood swing where I became so depressed. I had no idea how I was going to cope it was so bad. I even thought I would need to be hospitalized it was so bad. It has been a long time since it has been that bad. I really did not know what to do with myself and I really did not feel like going to Hospital. I am not joking at all this time. Seriously it was really serious.

Slob

I have to report myself since I was an absolute Slob today or is it Sloth. I think its Sloth. I literally either spent the day in or on the bed. Even took My Meds like half way through the day. So this is one for the records.

Lady Gaga - Telephone ft. Beyoncé

I Did

So I got out of the Abode to do some errands. Which I was going to do yesterday but did instead today. Manged a little shopping as well. Was out for about two Hours which aint too bad. Not that going out longer is a problem. I kinda sometimes are a little bit rushed when going out. I try to slow down but it never works. I have taken to buying a 500ml Coke and sitting down and watch the people go by. lol. I am trying to take in the scenery. lol. What can you do. I have never been one for sitting somewhere and having a coffee by myself . I just cant do it. Why I don't know. I suppose its something to work on. ( let a little info slip by there) hopefully you did not catch it.

Awesome

Now this Morning I had a really long Dream. Which I like since then the story flows a lot better than if you have a short one. Which really is more like a preview than it is a Dream. For you don't get your money's worth. lol. Sorry just a little Joke. The cool thing about this Mornings one is that I remember quite a lot of it which is Cool.

Lol

So normally one of the things I do when I get up is to get my Meds out for the day. I put the mornings in a pile and then the evenings one in a pile. ( I don't take the midday one since I haven't really needed it. But when I do I take it. It is for Anxiety. So only when its necessary do I take it.) Anyway so last night when going to bed I went to my cupboard to get my evening Meds only to find that there weren't any. Which means that I had gone the whole day without Meds. lol. Yup it does happen I must of been so distracted yesterday Morning for me to forget My Meds. I have been off My Meds before by day three I fell really weird and shaky. I started feeling weird this morning already. So I took My Meds. And after a while started feeling ok again. Now that is most news worthy. lol.

I Had To

I just had to share this Vlog with you. It is so funny . Well at least I thought so.

EDWARD FORTYHANDS (ft. Mamrie) [#SPECIALAUGUEST #12]

Not

Just as I was about to go out the workmen finished. So after all of that I decided not to go today. But rather to go tomorrow and do all the things I need to do. So instead I curled up into a ball on my bed and caught up with some sleep. So all in all it was not so bad after all.

Cool

So I manged to get all the laundry folded and put away. Yet another Tuesday done. I have to say these weeks are really flying once again every other day feels like the next it is such a blur.

Go To

So there are somethings that I need to get done nothing like now to do it. Since there is so much noise I might as well go out and get somethings done hopefully it will all be done by the time I get back. That is the workmen.

No Sleep

There are workmen in the area making a huge noise. Sounds more like its right outside my door the way they are carrying on. So there goes my Sleep. I will have to have a power nap this afternoon just to catch up. lol. Although I have been told that you cant catch sleep up. Anyway no harm in trying.

Simply Red - Stars

Vlog

So The Co Op channel I follow has Religion as a topic for the week. So I thought let me watch today's contribution. I did not watch much for it was not very good. I thought I was going to be able to watch the whole thing but no luck there.

Dreams

This morning I had an awesome Dream. I dreamt just before I woke up that I was given a gift/ blessing. The dream was definitely a weird nice dream. It left me feeling ok. I wish  you could relate Dreams in a way that people would get the feeling. It would be so awesome.

Lost

At the moment I am feeling a bit weird and I am not too sure why. Did go to Therapy today just got back from there. I feel like I am not grounded I feel like I am disconnected from all that is around me. It is not as bad as it is normally but still I still feel it. I was told as well that the Therapist is taking next week off. So there wont be any Therapy next week. Which I am kinda Depressed about. Since I am so used to going every Tuesday. So it will be two weeks till I see the Therapist again..

Done

So most of the Washing is done. tomorrow I will pack away whats left. Did manage to get out of bed in time to do the washing. Well actually a few minutes before the time. Which is a huge thing. Not to say that I have my Motivation back.

Depeche Mode - Heaven

Dreams

I had a couple of Dreams this morning. They were kinda cool ones. I sort of remember one of them. possibly because it was just before I woke up this morning. I haven't really had any to speak of of late. So it was cool to have the ones I did this morning.

Not Bad

 Did mange to go to Gym today. Not that it makes it any better since I have been only going once a week at the moment. Had a bit of a moment at the gym. My bloody shoe lace wrapped itself around the pedal of the bicycle and I only found out when it was really tight. Had to play gymnastics with the shoe and my foot to get my foot out of the shoe. Good thing I found out when I did otherwise I would have to cut my lace. lol. It was a bit stressful at the time.

All Done

So once again got all the cleaning of the Abode done. I did struggle a bit to get out of bed today. Other than that it went alright.

Olympus Has Fallen

So I watched Olympus Has Fallen last night on Dvd. Probably one of the better Movies that I have seen in awhile. Especially better than the one I saw on Saturday night. So I enjoyed it. Not Oscar material but still worth watching that is if your into Action Movies

Olympus Has Fallen

Nelly Furtado - Say It Right

Normal

How do we compare ourselves to those around us. For one we have a different Norm. Which does not makes us abnormal. Just a different Normal. I know it does not make too much sense but none the less. I suppose we can't compare ourselves with those around us. Being Bipolar has its own peculiarities. I also find it amazing that people are not really aware of what it entails and just think its another wacko Psychiatric Disorder. Well I am not here to educate people. For me I am not worried about how people react. It really is their own problem.

Not

I am doing relatively Ok today. Not too much Anxiety. I have my days when I do ok. Was watching a Vlog where the person was talking about swinging between highs and lows. The more they talked about it the more it sounded like they are Bipolar. The are trying to make sens of it but will not until they seek help. Unfortunately a lot of people never go as far as thinking maybe I should seek Professional Help. They just think its part of their personalty. I suppose every one has to make their own way through whatever they face. Be it hard or even worse.

Just

I just finished having a nap. well it was more like I lay down for a little while. If you want to call that a nap then so be it

Run Very Far Away

So this morning after dropping off the Dvd from last night. ( I am not even going to bother saying what the name of the Dvd was , it was that bad. The cover looked good. Just goes to show.) Anyway went to a Mall very far away. Had breakfast which consisted of kinda pizza made from sliced potatoes and egg with a tomato creamy sauce plus two cappuccinos. the cappuccinos are a staple not matter what I eat for breakfast. Walked around the mall for a bit. Then left on the way back to the Abode stopped at a Mall to pick up some shoes I had ordered. Then went to another Mall and then got another Dvd. Hopefully this one is better than the one from last night. So pretty much made up for the lack of going out yesterday.

Despicable Me 2 - Teaser (HD)

Talking Heads - And She Was

My Life

My Life for a Life. lol. Well for the moment I am feeling ok. Just as I said that I discovered I have not taken My Meds for the Morning. Ok I am back and have taken My Meds. Sometimes you feel just ok and don't realize it that it is as a result of being on Meds. Now don't judge me. lol.

It Has

This weekend is a bit boring for the most part so far. I am hoping to go out tomorrow we will just have to see how things go. Last night I had the Red and a Pizza and just watched Telly. So I did not even watch Shameless. There was a program called Body Bizarre which was quite interesting. It's about Bizarre Medical conditions. So at least there was that to watch. Much more than that it was not much different than every other evening.

Sleep

I say to you I did not stay in bed as long as I did yesterday. It does not mean that I can't have a nap this afternoon. lol. Just kidding. Not.

Done

So I have washed my nice new fuzzy Blanket. Now it just has to dry and I can shove it away. I think I said I really don't have space for it. My Cupboards are overflowing with stuff. You must just remember that my cupboards are really small. So It does not mean that I have lots of stuff. In fact the opposite. I just don't have the space for a lot of stuff. So I have to be picky as what to have. Don't you just hate it when people buy you stuff that just takes up space and you never use it. Now you can't get rid of it for then they will be upset. Aaaahhh The dilemmas.

UNDER the WIG with DETOX

Red

So the Red is out. Which will improve the mood of the party. lol. Just kidding it is only me here.

Got

Yesterday was given this really awesome blanket. It is a shimmery grey. Almost like fur. Not that I really need more blankets lol. I will have to wash it first which I will probably do tomorrow. Are you kidding I always wash brand new stuff from the Stores. If you saw the places where they are made you would wash them as well. I have been to Cmt'S that is the places where they put garments etc together. So I know what I am talking about. Those places are really dirty and don't get cleaned they are too busy making clothes.

Placebo

Listening to Placebo's Teenage Angst which I happen to love. I just love listening to all kinds of music especially when I am posting. Well I suppose it all depends what mood I am in. Just as I am going to open a bottle of red just now and so I will be listening, posting and sipping. For me this is one of my heavens. Or as some say My Happy Place.

Bust

Today was a real Bust since I spent a considerable amount of time in the horizontal position. (In other words I was lying in my bed) I really could not bring myself to get up for any reason whatsoever. I am afraid that tomorrow could follow on the same thread. Really I don't know what to do. I just cant manage to motivate myself to get up. I don't sleep all the time some times I just ly there thinking about things and then every now then I might doze off that being earlier in the day. As the day progresses I spend less time sleeping and more time just lying there. Screaaaammm. If only I could find something to get out of bed for. It is a struggle.

Under the WIG with ALASKA THUNDERF*CK

Laugh

I am sure that anyone who does not follow this Blog must wonder what the hell this is all about. They might just see the Vlogs and forget about the posts and then move on to the next Blog looking for something more ........ I don't know. lol. It really must seem strange since at first glance it does not make sense. Which I have forewarned about it not making Sense or trying to make sense of it all. lol.

Going To

So I did not read my book last night since I was waiting for my food to arrive. Take away. Butter Chicken curry with rice and naan bread. Which was pretty good. No I don't eat like that during the week. In fact my meals during the week consists of some white meat and vegetables. That is my Staple food for during the week. On the weekends I can binge and get pizza and the like. and drink red wine etc. So I don't drink during the week unless its a special occasion or I am out. So tonight will be roast vegetables and some white meat. It could be chicken or white meat.

Vlogs

What fascinates me is that I am yet to come across a vlog that deals with Depression or any other thing like that. I how ever found one person where they are Border Line. Yet again would it be possible to do something like that what would you speak about. It would be like a Support Group without the Group. I can understand people being able to get something out of a group. I am just not to sure about You Tube. Even if there where I doubt that I would want watch it. Since I do know quite a bit about it. So there would not be much that they could say that I don't already. if you have had as much Therapy as I have had then you would understand what I mean about knowing. I go to Therapy every week on Tuesdays as opposed to once or twice a month.

Wondering

I was thinking today of starting a new Blog. Since I feel that this Blog limits me. I do't know why. I still have to figure it out. I am just thinking. More than likely it will not happen. I just feel that something is missing. The problem is I know something is missing but I am not too sure. Don't you just hate that when it happens to you. Especially when you cant put your finger on it.

Went

So I went out today as you would know it is rather unusual that I go out on a Thursday. Normally it would be to gym or staying at the abode. Got myself two cappuccinos one large and one normal size with that I had a croissant filled with scrambled eggs, tomatoe and bacon. Which was good not a very big meal but just enough. The ran around the mall looking a Decor Shops and one clothes shop. I have enough of both. So much so that my little cupboard can not take anymore clothes it is bursting at the seams. lol.

INXS - Elegantly Wasted

Ok

I am ok. Could be better. Got one or two issues making me a bit Anxious. Well there are always things that make me anxious. The more things to worry about the more Anxious I get. Still want to find out about a pill that calms you down. So at least you can cope with situations better. Heard about one just not to sure what it is called. Anyway I will keep looking. If I find I will let you know.

Slept

So Today was one of those days were I had a really long say in bed to be precise I was in bed for 15 hours. That's what happens when you have nothing to motivate yourself to get out of bed. Now this would be a perfect day to have a day Support Group for all us depressive types. Well I am Bipolar so I still qualify.

Lunch

I thought I would share that I had a cup of coffee and two hot cross buns for lunch. Which is a lot in my book. Not. lol. I am still hungry. But i will persevere . Tonight I am going to have a bowl of cereals. I do have some grilled vegetables that I could eat but I am not going to. So I will probably go to bed hungry which is totally my fault.

Stayed

So I did not go to the Support Group last night. I was tempted for maybe a few minutes. But the succumb to the Why. lol. I really would like it if there was one during the day. At least I could fill my day and have another thing to do. It's just Tuesdays is just too long and I am running around as you well know that to go to a Support Group is just too much for me.

Céline Dion - I Drove All Night

I Am Glad

I am feeling a bit better than I did last week which is a good thing. I do have extra Meds in case I do start feeling Anxious about anything. Which is a good thing. It takes awhile to kick in  but it still does help. Obviously it cant take it all away but at least it is easier to cope than if you did not have any.

Tonight

I have decided not to go back to the Support group again. Since it is at night and my Tuesdays are pretty long as it is . I would prefer it if it were during the day. I am not too sure that there are any that run during the day.

Another Today

So I saw My Doctor every thing is staying the same as far as the Meds go. I also saw My Therapist as well. This Session was a little bit tough since we are getting into an area which requires a lot of thought. Since if you don't you will lose the plot. lol I did a bit. lol.

Today

|Well as usual I did the washing today. Only thing I am lucky I did not sleep too long. Otherwise I would not had time to make it before I had to go see my Doctor and Therapist. It was tight but still made it. So all that is folded and put away. Yes I am generally quite neat. I say generally because where I have my computer its quite a mess. They call it no storage. So I can be Messy as well as neat.

I Wanted

I just have to clear up something. When I said I love Drag Queens. I meant those that are similar to Jinx Monsoon that are extremely Talented and are Superb at what they do.

A Lot

I Always get really Anxious the night before that is last night. I am not too sure why I get so stressed about Monday. It reminds of the School days when you had the Sunday Blues because the next day is School Well its not much different for me. |Except it is much worse. So that every Sunday is a struggle for me.

Did

Absolutely shocking is that I made it to Gym today considering what a wash last week. I am still recovering from last week. meaning it really threw  me. Now I have to try to get back to normalcy. Well let see how I do this week. I am hoping for a better week all around then again you never know.

Shameless

So managed to get Season 1 and 2 of Shameless. Which I watched the Pilot and the first episode last night. Which was interesting. It is a show with a bit of a difference. It definitely is original. There are only 12 episodes in a Season. So probably fly through them. Never mind will find something else when done. Well I enjoyed watching it anyway. Which is a good thing.

Shameless

No Too Long

So today being Monday which is a cleaning of the Abode for me. Yes for those that follow it is true. I clean the Abode on Mondays. Fancy that. Any how I managed to con myself into sleeping or laying in for an extra hour. Lazy Sod. lol. Instead of getting up. It really still worked out since I was able to do the cleaning in a record time. Which I am happy about.

Sinéad O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2U

Not

I did not get A Dvd for tonight. Probably just watch what is on Telly. I think there is something to watch just not that sure what it could be. Sometimes there is just a lot of nothing. Channel after channel there is nothing worth wasting your time watching lol.

I Was

I was a bit Anxious today which was Situational I would say ans just general Anxiety. I just hate it when I feel like that. It definitely detracts from what is happening and does not allow me to enjoy what is happening. Well it's something I have to learn to live with on an ongoing basis. I was told of a herbal tablet which can help just I forgot what it is called. I will ask my Doctor what it is called again. Just hopefully I remember this time.

Had To

I did some washing today which was no planned for but needed to be done because it was piling up.

Tired

So today I spent a lot of time running around from one place to the other. So much though I had to take a nap which I have just woken up from. So went to two Malls which are quite far apart the one to pick up something which was not there. The second to have lunch which was Curry plus two cappuccinos. Plus had to do some grocery shopping for the week.

The Cranberries - Animal Instinct

Looks Bare

I still cant believe that I did not post a Vlog last night. For I know that I had one or two that I wanted to Post. Only thing is I cant remember what they were now. lol

Has To Be

Once again its Saturday and the Day is almost gone. Just can't believe how fast the time is going. Sorry I am Gob Smacked. I can never get over how quick time goes. It's just ridiculous.

Just A Bit

Feeling just a bit weird today not too sure why and no its not a hangover. I did not drink enough to get drunk or anything like that. I think that maybe I just need to get into a routine again. Or something like that. Then again I don't know.

Last Night

I went trough some of the stuff that I wrote last night which makes me laugh since there are so many mistakes. I did not even post a picture or anything. lol. I think I drank too much wine last night. Well that was the last night of drinking wine. I didn't even get a Dvd to watch. I have been Abode Bound for the last couple of days. I will however go out tomorrow. Just to get out of the Abode so I don't go crazy.

Drag Queens

So if you have not noticed I have posted a lot on Drag Queens. I just happen to Love Drag Queens. Love with a capital L. No it's not a Fetish. I could explain but it would be to close to the bone. lol. Know what I am talking about.

Too Much

I have been lying in my bed as well as sleeping way too much. Seeing that is a mini holiday for me. I have to say there was not much else to do. Well nothing that motivated me enough to get me out of bed. Pretty sad is it not. I think That I am more of a night Owl than a day .......... ( I don't know what the opposite for Night Owl is so I will leave it for you to fill it in. Good luck with that.)

Too Often

I suppose that this comment will sound familiar since I keep winding up at the same point. That is talking about self Expression. You will see that I write about this quite often since it is one thing I struggle with. That is not having the Space to be able to express myself. No I can't on this Blog or even in reality am I able to express myself. Does it really matter. Yes it does it goes to who you are. For if you aren't able to express who you are. Then you are denied yourself and then you become suppressed. And we all know what happens when you are suppressed. It will express itself in weird and unexpected ways. What is worse is that you cant control how it comes out. Talk about Freudian slips.

I Am

I will have to say That I am proud of My Blog. It is not as good as I would like it to be. There are some things I could do to make it look better but those are just like decorations. I am still in two minds if I am going to add a Vlog section. Well the Vlogs that I follow. Yet there are so many I don't think I would not have enough space. So hence the two minds. Well I will give a think or two. lol.

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow", A tribute to our Russian Queer Community

George Michael - Amazing

Fuss

Why all the Interest in Therapy. You would be surprised in the amount of stuff you can dig up that has influenced the way you are today, This too influences what decisions you make. So ultimately it is the result of where you are today. It really does not matter if your Bipolar or not. Which happen to be so, it makes things a bit more difficult. So Therapy really helps you come to term with who you happen to be. When you find that out it is easier to see why you make certain decisions.

Watch

I am trolling the You Tube for Vlogs at the moment. The pickings are rather slim I have to say. You would think that with 6 billion and counting people on the Earth there would be a hellva lot of Vlogs. But you would be mistaken. There are a lot of Shite and very few decent ones to be seen. Ant way what can you do there has to be a change in the peoples perception as to what the new media holds for us. It is still in its infancy. I read a lot of Sci Fi. They say that Sci Fi is a good predictor of the future. If you believe this we have a long way to go. I can't wait. Then I might have to wait for the next lifetime to experience the advance in technology. lol

Write

Does it really mean anything when you post something that people misunderstand and then they retreat and go somewhere else. No It does not since to a large degree this Blog as I have stated before is Therapy for me. So as long as I benefit from it then I will continue to write About what my struggles are and just general stuff. What is more important is that not many people understand what it is I am trying to get across without having to sat too much. You would have been there from the start to pick up well more or less that I am not ordinary in my Lifestyle. Well what I mean by that is not everything adds up. (You wash clothes, you clean your abode etc. These are the little things of life. Yet for me these are a struggle to do. My Anxiety can be pretty strong around) besides all that there are times I allude to something else that is going on. I can not say what it is and will not. This is something you will have to understand. You will however come to some conclusions of your own. Which will be a bit off the mark. And that is ok. It really like wondering around in the dark. I have also stated that don't expect this Blog to make any sense. At first it will look like just a plain person writing about Shite. Yet it is not. ( Listening to Placebo at the moment as well as sipping on a glass of red wine) I just thought you should know that lol. So back to the writing I really wish I could just come out and state what I am talking about. But is not that simple. It also has serious repercussions if I were to. So you will have to just bear with me and My Secret. I am not playing around this is no Joke. Believe me when I say this is Serious.

Sure Am

I am on a bit of a cleaning spree today. I have my Duvet cover ready to be packed away. I am washing the blanket from on top of my Duvet as well . I think after this I will take a break. I sometimes get in this cleaning frenzies every now and then and then I will have done all that I been wanting to do for awhile. Cleaning especially clothes and linen is kinda Therapeutic for me. There is nothing like a just washed item with that fresh smell and the soft material. It's to die for that and pizza. lol

Silicone

Had Some

Just had a whole lot of licorice. I really did not want to eat too much. Except a whole bunch came out of the bag and I was not going to put it back. So I ate it all. Now I feel a little bit Uuuuuuuu. lol

Happy

Well I am happy about something, which makes for a change. I have a few Vlogs to watch. Which I happen to be doing right now.

I Did

I also happend to do some washing as well. So the pile has been obliterated. Which I am happy about. I just have a duvet cover which has to be done. Which I will do tomorrow. Then I will be all caught up. Fancy that. Well you never really get all caught up since it's a continuous battle. Well you should know that. It's not like anybody has never heard of washing Clothes etc.

Sort Of

Ok I have to admit I did a blitz clean of the Abode. So every thing is clean. Well sort of. lol. I finally got it together after having spent quite a bit of time in the bed. I really could not let it go on. I thought I might as well do it an get it over with.

Little

So for now and the next few days I am on a sabbatical or vacation or whatever you want to call it. Yes I went and got some wine. I was watching a show last night were they were showing a wine bar. They literally had Wine on tap. Which I have never seen in my life before. I know you get beer and cider on tap but never wine. That was me. lol

JINKX MONSOON: Malambo No. 1 (Uncommon Lipsync)

Just

I am not doing as well as I could be this week. The anxiety levels are up as well as the depression. I am just not feeling myself at the moment. I do know why and it will only get better after this week is over. So I am hoping that this week will fly as fast as possible. It is quite trying and tiring going through these emotions it really does sap you of your energy. I even cancelled going tho the Support Group tonight.. I will just have to go next week instead.

Washing

Yep I did do the washing today. Which is a miracle considering |I did not do the cleaning yesterday. I just hope I can pull it together and do it tomorrow. No I really have to. Famous last words. lol. No really I have to. Ok whatever.

Head Space

So I am back from My Therapy session. I have to say that today's was a case of mental gymnastics. I reached a couple of conclusions not that I did not know them already. It was more like it brought it to the fore. Kinda like a reminder. You do this because etc, etc. It's always good to be reminded that ytou don't have it together. Lol.

Almost

So I was contacted by the Shop Manager at the Tattoo Parlour and she said there is a cancellation that has opened up for next Tuesday and I was cool I'll take it. ( The Tattoo Artist is booked solid for this year). Anyway so I was awesome I can my Tattoo finished now. Its a huge back Piece. Then a bit later after having come back from My Therapist did the penny drop. And I was I can't do next Tuesday because I have two appointments for that day. One for my Therapist and one for My Psychiatrist. Damn so I had to phone them back and let the appointment go. For awhile I was yeah this going to be awesome and then damn that's not fair. So now I will have to wait for another one to come open. Aaaaahhhhhhh, Scream

Pandora Boxx - Absolut Vodka Commercial (from RuPaul's Drag Race 2)

Absolut Commercial Shoot

Lost

Ok I am feeling Lost at the moment. I think I have talked about this before. I am so Glad I am going to see my Therapist tomorrow. I suppose it's round three hundred and four. I can swear  I have been round this mountain before. It even has signs which I put up the time before. I can hear the Queen song I want To Break Free playing in the background. If you haven't heard it give it a try except get the music clip that goes with it . Freddie is so funny. I think its on You Tube the original Clip. I am sure I watched it some time ago.

Some

Since I am a bit anxious I decide to pour myself a drink. Unfortunately I could not get the Brandy bottle open. I think there is something wrong with the lid. I decide to pour myself some liqueur. Not exactly the best thing to have as a drink since it really is meant to be drunk at the end of a meal with coffee or not. Especially since it is more a dessert type drink Yes I am feeling that anxious. I just can't help it. I think this week is going to be a tough one for me since it is not starting all that well.

Today

Sorry to say that I am not doing that well today. I just could not get myself to do the Cleaning of the Abode today. I promised myself that I would do it on Wednesday. I feel quite guilty about the fact I did not do it today. What I did do was just slept and for a very long time. I just could not pull myself out of bed.

Chasing Mavericks

Yeah I know. I wanted to watch another Sci Fi movie but it was not in. So got this. It is based on a true story which is something I am always interested in. It was Ok nothing brilliant. Just an ok movie. For what it is I enjoyed it.

Chasing Mavericks

Pandora Boxx's Top 10 Things to Say to Get Out of Stoopid Conversations

Last

I am currently drinking the dregs of the last bottle of red wine that I have. lol. Just wish I had more. Ok so I like my Red Wine what can I say. Its not like I drink every night of the week. Just the weekends. Yes I know that I have talked about this before. I think the Lady doth protest too much. well I am sure it goes something like that. last time I heard.

Yet Again

This week has really flown I am shocked as to how fast it has gone. We are looking at the beginning of August already. Counting August we have 4 months to December. Lets call it the Festive Season for the lack of a better word. Where has this year flown to. I still can't get used how the time is flying. Before you know it , it will be December.

Ok

So mid morning I got out and went and dropped the Dvd of and got another. Which you will find out about tomorrow once I have watched it. Anyway went around got some stuff and then went and had Brunch. Had two cappuccinos and a pizza. Lets say more like a Gourmet pizza. Not the usual pizza. Then went to a Mall walked around a bit. Then this afternoon went and looked at abodes. Saw some nice stuff just not what looking for. Really not in a rush at the moment. Just waiting to hear if going to move to another city. Once I have found out then can make a decision . I hate hanging like this it's like being in Limbo. I am sure that I will find out in this next four weeks. Well hoping for that time period. Everything always moves slowly when its not up to you.

The Host

Sometime ago I got the book The Host and read it. It was interesting. Not an absolute winner but none the less a good story. Lets say I enjoyed it as pure entertainment. Then they released the Movie sometime later which I happened to have watched last night. Quite accurate to the book even though they left out huge chunks of the book. You get the Gist of the story which is important,

The Host (The Book)

The Host (The Movie)

Under the Wig with RAVEN

What

There certainly a lot of effort that has to be put into trying to retain a semblance of yourself. What is more disconcerting is that you even tend to forget who you were the further you get away from yourself. How heartbreaking is it to lose yourself to Meds. I don't think that most people get what I am talking about until it happens to you. What is more important is that no 1 you don't change yourself for anyone else. That you retain your true self even if those around you don't approve. No 2 is that you continue to work on yourself trying to improve on yourself as you see that which you want to become not compromising to please those around you. I know that this is easier said than done. Yeah right I wish I could have held onto myself. It is only after it has happened do you realize what you have lost. How many times do I have to say till it sinks into my head. It is like I am really speaking to myself more than I am speaking to everyone else. Well you can call it Self Therapy. I should charge myself damn I am good. lol. Well some has to pat on my back it might as well be me since no one else is going to do it.

Not

I won't be going out today at all so it's going to be a very uninteresting day today. You have to have one of these days every now and then. Well you don't have to. It just worked out this way.

Had To

So this morning I had to do some washing since the bin was overflowing fortunately it went quickly. So as soon as it's dry I will pack it away. I love completing things. Then at least you know it is done for now and only some time in the near future do you have to do it again.

Another Day

Yet another day of not having too many Vlogs to watch. It's depressing. What am I to do. I am trying to scramble to rescue my online experience today. lol. Actually it's not that funny I feel like screaming.

My Coming Out Story

I Think

I think I have scared some of my viewers off what with all the Drag Queens. Especially the one with Sharon Needles and This Club Is A Haunted House. Well you cant please everyone and I am not about to change for anyone out there.  Anyway it is so sad when it does happen.

Kinda

Kinda sad that it is weekend again. I prefer the weekdays a lot better for obvious reasons  or maybe they are not that obvious. I decide to finish a bottle of vodka. So I hauled it out of the cupboard. No its not full there are probably four shots left in it. Then I will finish a bottle of red wine which has two glasses left in it and then I am planning to get some more wine. I just need a pick me up for the night. I don't have anything really planned for tonight. I will however get a Dvd for tomorrow night hopefully.

Cool

So I just got done watching this one Vlog which is a comedy Vlog. It at least perked me up a bit. Got a good laugh. I still got another one to watch.

Had To

Again today there was not many Vlogs to watch. So I ha to scramble around looking for stuff to watch. Fortunately I was able to find some stuff. I don't understand why the normal postings did not happen this week. Which is a bit strange.

Again

So fortunately I got inspired today to go to gym. I slept late and then deiced to go top Gym. I was not planning on going to start off but then kinda persuaded myself to go. It took a bit of persauding I must tell you.

Sharon Needles - This Club Is A Haunted House (feat RuPaul) - Official V...

Funny

So I came back from Gym and decided to have a snooze. So every  now and then I would look at the clock and see about the  same time. Not realizing that the clock had stopped. It took me quite awhile to figure out that this had happened. So by the time I had realized that that the clock had stopped several hours had past already. So that's why I did not post earlier. lol.

Still

So I am getting ready to go to Gym. I really had to persuade myself to go. Since the bed was so inviting. lol. The joys of no motivation whatsoever. At least it breaks my day up. Even though it is not for long. So I will be on my way now that is to Gym.

Mats

So I decide to do the Mats in the bedroom for they have been begging to be cleaned for awhile now. So I threw them in the washing machine. For a thirty minute cycle and then jumped back into bed. Which was really nice. So instead of plodding around the Abode. I spent the time in Bed. Well at least that's done. I have been procrastinating over for awhile.